Dear God, please make me famous enough so I can do bat-shit crazy stuff like Prince and get away with it. We’re talking about a guy here who changed his name to a symbol, wore ass-less gold pants to the 1991 Video Music Awards, knocked on doors as a Jehovah’s Witness in the height of his fame and refused to sell his music online because the “internet is dead”. In 2010. I love this man.
How freaking out of your mind do you have to be to think the “Lovesexy” album cover is a good idea? Name one pop star today that could pull this off? Lady Gaga only pretends to be weird and there’s no flower in existence big enough for Christina Aguilera’s ass. I’m pretty sure that Prince rode into that business meeting on a flying purple ostrich shooting glitter and flared pant-suits out of it’s butt like flames behind a sexually ambiguous space shuttle.
RECORD EXEC: Okay, Prince. Your album is almost ready to hit the shelves. What do you have for an album cover for us?
PRINCE: It starts with me sitting on a bunch of big flowers.
RECORD EXEC: Love it.
PRINCE: I’m naked.
RECORD EXEC: Of course.
PRINCE: I’m partially covering my nipples.
RECORD EXEC: Keep going.
PRINCE: Next to me is a weird, red-tipped flower-dong.
RECORD EXEC: It’s like you’re reading my mind. Question…Is the flower-dong trying to bite your nipples?
PRINCE: No, no. It’s aroused. Have you ever made love to a plant? Sheila E and I once had a threesome with a geranium.
RECORD EXEC: My only concern is what you’re going to do with all the money you’ll make from this.
The record flopped.
But what most people don’t know about the “Lovesexy” album cover is that Prince had an alternate cover. It was called “BrodySexy.” You’re welcome: